January 4th — In a bold example of the disparities that often exist in life, Brad and I recently registered on our new Wii fit. He did it right away. I waited a few days, and did it when I thought everyone was out of the room. After all, that little perky machine does weigh you. You can password protect this information, by the way, which is critically important to those wives who live by the adage of “what my husband doesn’t know can’t hurt me.”
After you log in (i.e. get weighed and input your height), they adjust your Mii accordingly. If you don’t know that a Mii is, it’s a cute little “you” of your design – you pick out everything. Your hair ‘do, your eye color, your smile (my Mii has perfect little lips, by the way), your outfit. You cannot control your figure, however, which adjusts accordingly once you register on the Wii Fit. Which means that my big Real Me life cut into my little Fantasy Wii life and my cute little Mii became a bit – well, a lot more – stocky. Even my kids noticed. “Look, Mom, you’re a lot more…” they didn’t know the right word to use and still maintain their Wii privilege. “Tubby?” I offered. Everyone looked away. “Well, I’m working on that,” I quickly announced.
“Doesn’t everyone want to know my Wii Fit Age?” I asked in a lame attempt to change the subject. So I start going through all the balance exercises. Suddenly, I let out a howl so loud our cat took off running. Are you sitting down? You are not going to believe this. Apparently, my Wii Fit age is 32. Thirty-freakin’-two! The irony of it all! I totally skunked Brad, who exercises five days a week and is about five pounds (versus 50) above his ideal weight. He couldn’t believe it either. He worked quite hard not to be surly about my incredibly fit Wii Fit score – after all, I am the least fit person in our family, next to our cat, Merlin, who is the only one more sedentary than I. I immediately started making excuses – I’ve always been quite limber, had good balance, short people have a lower center of gravity and so on. Then I stopped. When it comes to health and fitness, there are few mantles I’ve worn. So why can’t I own my Wii Fit age with pride, despite how ridiculous? Why do I have to excuse it? Is is so unbelievable that I would have a Wii Fit age of 32 (well, yes it is, actually) After all, I will never be 32 again, so if Wii Fit says it’s 32, then that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.